tonight at work, there were legitimate emergencies which required the mgr, and shift mgr to not be there.
sometimes, i hate being so dependable. but i was half alive tonight, worth little more than being the responsible party, if even that.
before the asst. mgr who would not cover for the mgr who had to leave, left, she said to me,
i just want you to know you're covering for her, not me.
bullshit.
team talk is bullshit in my book. because those who use it, use it only when they benefit from the team talk. from team building.
integrity holds more water with me.
if you say you're going to do something, do it.
of course if there are actual emergencies, we all must pitch in, but the time to prove a point is not when children are involved.
and as a mother i went in to help. propped myself up on the counter and tried to smile.
the mgr whom i used to adore said,
they'll do all the work, just smile and do your returns.grrr.
it was not about that. not about me being able to be pleasant, or even about my ability to stay upright through the night. i couldn't. i simply did not have the strength, so i sat a great deal of the time with my head hanging low. trying not to fall over.
this is why i am trying to leave this company. the crazy work ethic, the crazy--i'll teach you a lesson at the expense of everyone and anyone (utter selfishness), and consequences be damned.
of course, when it comes to my needing something, you better help me. because i'm so two faced, i can make you feel like i love you, even when i'm just using you.
but i'm onto the game now.
as a mother, i went in tonight.
i hope to sleep until my 4pm shift tomorrow. and make it through that. i'm fried. this was to be my day off. but so much for that luxury.
one of my poet friends whom i did not get to see tonight, when i apologized for not being at the poetry roundtable said,
you've been a lousy friend to no one.
for which i'm grateful.
there are a few souls who know me. still.
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