but mostly, it's a tenacity that holds me. an i'll be damned if i'll let this thing get the better of me kind of stubbornness that keeps me hanging on. swinging back and forth, back and forth, wondering when it will be safe to let go.
there are a few things that bring me comfort. a few moments
when it would seem the world is aright. and i am finding peace now.
but it feels like so much chocolate, promising to be substantial
and all hollow inside. empty, more emptiness.
so i keep moving forward, one step at a time.
i keep going. i don't know how to stop. i won't let myself stop
because i can't go back to where i was, or who i was.
i'm a completely different person now. and it's easier for that person
to keep moving. even in limbo. even in a haze of exhaustion.
that person, at least can function.
work today, and i wonder, when friends see me and say,
you look so tired.if i do indeed look as tired as i feel.
i can't keep this up forever. i don't want to.
i want to lay down
before fires
and watch the snowflakes fall
and be whole.
6 comments:
it is possible to keep going, to move forward and to find peace without exhausting yourself.
and it is possible to say what you have to say without hiding behind anonymity.
Of course it is possible but I chose otherwise. As we all are free to choose what we feel best. I aplogize that my anyonymity offended you. My words were written out of love and were intended in a nurturing and supportive way. Good luck to you.
no offense, i just don't make it a habit to take counsel from the anonymous. my friends know they can speak their mind, though i may not agree, they are free to say whatever, whenever they want to me.
anyone who does not know this, is not really a friend.
i do not hide when i speak, so to speak to someone hidden seems, foolish, not wise.
be anonymous, it is your choice, but it is also mine to disregard anonymity. though i do not prohibit it, i do not consider it anything of merit, however well intended.
peace.
You are absolutely correct, it is your choice and right to disregard something that isnt named.
I wonder though, have you ever read an anonymous poem or the words of someone you didnt know, that moved or touched you?
When your first meet a person they are anonymous. Sometimes even after years of being with someone they are still unkown to you.
When we read someones work they are anonymous. We think we may know them, but in reality we dont.
We constantly take counsel from people we dont really know. Although you may know their name or see their face, you dont really know who they are. A name doesnt prevent anonymity.
I am not hiding.
If you were sitting on a bench crying, would it matter what my name was if I came to comfort you? Would you not consider me a friend even before knowing my name? Would that make the friendship less valuable?
Perhaps I thought from reading all of your posts, knowing your name and seeing your picture that you were more open minded. I guess I was wrong.
Good Luck
there you would have a face and hands, here you have none of that. only words. (as much as i take to words, you read my words and see my face when doing so. you have a framework for who i am. is it "unfair" of me to request the same privilege?)
the anonymous poem is not speaking directly to and of a personal life, per se. it is merely speaking. as your comments are directed at me personally, it is hard to get around the anonymity bit.
now as you regard my disregard as closemindedness, i am further supported in my assertion that you are speaking directly to and about me. i put myself out here by choice. all i am saying is, have the courage to speak to me plainly in the open. as it is easy to make assertions and tell me i'm closed minded, but not so easy to say who you are.
if i were crying on a bench, before even knowing your name, i would know who you are as i would see you.
here it is shrouded.
do you not understand why i would disregard personal comments by someone i can neither see or know as a real person.
you can say whatever you'd like and i've no context for it. no certainty of knowing who you are backed by relationship or even simply your three dimensional presence.
so, i've considered this long enough. think what you will of me, it does not change who i am.
peace to you.
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