sleep all day, work all night.

so i'm awakened, midday by the phone ringing. several times. not just once. i could sleep through the first one, but not the fourth one.


my other job, needing help. i keep hearing my current manager say,

i'm an enabler.

i wonder if i'm an enabler in many ways.

every time i'm there i say,

what am i doing here?

you're a kind person,

one of the new girls says.

i'm an idiot.

i reply.

last night, they gave me my store keys back. two steps forward, five steps back.

and i thought i was disengaging. it is nice to have a position of trust. but it's wearing me thin like butter scraped across too much bread.

but if someone tells me their kids will sit home alone, i will give up my poetry event to help out. i wouldn't want my kid to be sitting home alone.

my poetry event is choc full o'adults. they will understand. the kids at home alone, won't. it is not even an issue at this point.

so, i'll be hopped up on the cold meds, and propped against something hoping to make it through the night (we're closing at 11 now. what fun that is, it was a ghost town last night).

and it's no wonder why i'm crabby.