the young girl who wanted to stand beside me, did. she's so cute, her hair pulled up in a huge messy bun on top of her head, ala pebbles flinstone. and she was going at those moves like she was trying to launch the coins from her butt to the next town. so aggressive, exaggerated, it was cute. she got the form down, but i don't know that she can keep up that kind of pace. beside her, i'm all about the tight egyptian style, keeping my center and moving in small deliberate movements. not to say her movements weren't deliberate, but she definately had momentum on her side, and woe to the person who stepped into her path. it was cute. sweat was pouring down my face and body, i was exhausted, but happy.
went to get my girl for a swim after that, but she wasn't feeling well so we went to my apartment. she said,
my chair is moved again, curious.
i laughed. what can i say. i move stuff around.
but it was hard for her, because she made me this little foam heart with pony beads that spell out mom. and it fell off my fridge while she was there, it had fallen off the night before and i neglected to paste it back up sufficiently, so this was about it's third plummet. only this time, we heard a pony bead roll away. and she put her head down and cried,
it broke.
and i told her,
it's okay, we'll find it. we'll fix it.
those are the kinds of things that strike me. she has these pangs of sadness, and i can't do anything to help her through. it had been a week since i'd seen her last, and she said,
every weds, we'll go swimming or get together okay?because i have weds off for belly dancing, i know this is doable.
yes, baby.
this seemed to make her happy. it's not like i don't want to see her, i just don't have regular days off.
i told my ny best friend this story, about the pony beads, and she cried. i hugged her and she said,
i feel so bad for her.
i do too,i said,
but she'll pull through.
what else can i say.
my friend did note my youthful appearance and overall seeming goodhealth, it's been a while since we've seen each other. and i had the whole day for her if she wanted it. she took it and i was glad. i needed a coat. so we added that to the agenda, and after feeding me this to die for persian dish and strong coffee we set out. i found a second bathing suit, boyshort style, as i like and have worn the last two seasons. chocoate brown and pink, which is nice. but i will be covered this year, no midriff showing. which is probably good for everyone else, i don't care either way.
the next store we hit, after a fine convo with the cashier, also named suzanne, was where i found a hot pink trench coat. since i have a nyc poetry reading coming up, and no thing to wear (or no thing i want to wear), i decided to grab it and see what i could come up with.
i found a pink leopard (so tacky, i love it!) shirt to wear under the pink trench. i also got a purple zebra, and slinky black zebra number which is more for someone else who may like it. ;) if you catch my drift.
anyway, i kept telling my friend,
i don't want to be tacky.
she said,
you're not. you're confident.
and another friend suggested (upon hearing of my pending acquisitions) that he contact what not to wear. grrr.
support, i have, apparently.
the whole excursion led to many discussions about where i'm going, who i want to be. how to be who i am without subjecting myself to someone else's standard.
i don't work on wall street or in an attorney's office. the dress code is simple, so for my own life, i'm kind of a jean and t-shirt gal.
we left that store, and went to our last stop where i stumbled across a land's end goose down threequarter length winter coat for about a third of the price it was originally. i was stoked, put it on and haven't really parted with it since. it's nice to be warm.
it was a miracle i found it, but my logic was, it'll be an incredible deal if i do find one now. and it was. i had found a jacket at my old haunt, but neglected to buy it. so it got away from me, i lamented that jacket, but knew there was a better, more perfect one coming. or waiting for me to find it.
and i did, finally. it's way better than the one i would have acquired previously. and i don't look like the michelin tire man, which makes me happy.
we ended our day at the local wiccan store. they had belly dance apparel, some of which i tried on. nothing i couldn't live without. you know my mantra of late. i won't bring it home unless i love it (that applies to people and things).
we had a long discussion about how to amend some workout pants to become belly dance pants, with embellishments, and my friend produced the most gorgeous outfit she is preparing. my god it's fabulous. i was glad to be a creative consultant on that one, and was surprised at how many sewing ideas i had to pass along. it was a great time.
i went in for a physical today. i'm doing a battery of tests and visits to specialists of all kinds (i don't mean that in a scary way, just a general way), because i FINALLY have insurance and i'm going to use it.
so, the bloodwork all came back normal, she basically said,
you're in great health.and gave me a script for a mammogram. sigh. here we go. she said it would be two months before i got in but i get to pancake my breasts in only two weeks. yay for technology. yay for pain.
only two more dentist visits and an eye appointment, which reminds me of something i need to do...and i should be good to go for another fifteen years. i don't make it into the doctor very regularly. what can i say, i'm busy.
i knew i was healthy as a horse. i knew it. every complaint i've ever had has nearly dried up and gone completely away. i do have dry scratchy fingers though, from all the dishwashing, but, i'll figure it out. someone told me to sleep with gloves on, but i don't want to.
stubborn is as stubborn does.
i have to go in to work relatively soon. i picked up an extra shift this week causing my boss no end of grief (i do what i can, what can i say?), and i believe it will be all right. he has allowed me (albeit begrudgingly) to amend my schedule to accomodate this shift, and so it will work out okay. i see why he didn't want me to do it, but i have to take care of myself now. i have to work. have to.
my body was jello after that long day though, and the happy sounds it made were just a bonus. i hadn't heard myself make happy sounds ever really. mostly, i make sad sounds. i make, i'm exhausted, the air is deflating from my balloon sounds. but not that night. curious.
i think my issues with touch are being resolved, but i've run a deficit for so many years, it will be a slow process. one i do not foresee ending anytime soon. sadly, as the case may be.
better go, getting too personal, what else is new. have to look at the proofs from the journal still and figure out what to send for my three line bio. these things stump me everytime. and i just don't know why.
it will be well. i should just say some random bullshit, she loves jello and chihuahuas come hear her read.
:D
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