tales time tells

william stafford's the darkness around us is deep, is a powerful piece of work. i found a few little gems i'm masticating at the moment. this, about his mother, struck me

my mother would say abrupt things, reckless things, liberated things. i remember her saying of some people in town,

they are so boring you get tired of them even when they're not around.

i don't know that my abruptness will be looked back on as a redeeming quality. time tells that tale, not my perspective.

had a meeting today, let's call it a festivus celebration. started with the airing of grievances, but unfortunately we had to quit before the feats of strength.

i got called out, i don't mind. but i defended myself, fought off the dogs baying at my heels as it were. and i think i'm supported but time will tell the tale, not my perspective, skewed as it is.

belly dancing tonight.

now, i'm trying to decompress on my "day off" when i had to go in to work anyway. and at least i was able to say some things that need to be said, and i didn't let anyone defend me because i'm quite able to defend myself. the bullshit has to stop.

see, my mind will keep hovering around that dead carcass in the road, a vulture on the thermals, waiting to dive in. i should let them land and get the stench off the road out of my nostrils. but they are large, frightening birds, and i want beauty. i've forgotten what beauty is. i felt strong today, i had to go get my fill of someone's eyes before i did stand my ground, but it helped. i knew it would.

and stood i did.

the ex is making demands and i'm inclined to get him off my back.

the mfa program is courting me still, want to hear back in the form of a deposit. which i shall return post haste.

have a couple proofs for a journal my work will appear in. god it's been years since i've had anything accepted (years since i've submitted anything), but this little gem of a journal will be a nice, long awaited prize. too long i've had to wait. i can't download the proofs here at the library because the poem is too damn good (it's bloodlust, incase you're wondering), to leave in some temporary file for some doughnut eating hacker to happen onto.

the librarian just tried to kick me off the computer because my offensive chai. i offered him the cup to dispose of, he turned up his nose and walked away. ah, i'm such a bitch.

whatever.

i need to go find a winter coat. the last one i wanted i let get away from me. but first to fulfill the demands. grr.

time will tell what my perspective cannot.

SHIT! good thing i rechecked my email. i've just been asked to read at bluestockings in NYC on 3/31. HELL YEAH! so kids, if you're in the city, come see me...