Thursday, September 09, 2010

delightful mess

today my horoscope said i was lucky, that my pollyanna attitude is what will get me through but with jupiter in pisces for the remainder of the year i'm good to go in that department, i've got luck on my side.

appears so.

there were so many collusions of fate today, so many blessed obstacles, it's hard to even comprehend them. yet, i am home, safe and warm with a very happy child in the next room.

everything i love is safe at the moment. that is all that matters. i remind myself of this often.

for i understood today, that even with all the challenges, the creative financing of my life, the need for providence to actually kick in and grace to suspend my credit a bit further, that even with all those potential dead zones, i am still grateful to be here in my life today. and that is saying something.

she's reminded me of so many things i've forgotten. we've talked a lot about our pasts, as writers are inclined to do, being read these things come up. and she's reading me. poor thing, she said,
every time i see you, you give me a new book.
and it's true. i had forgotten how many manuscripts i've accumulated over the years. so she is wading through my words. slowly.

i can't blame her, there are other writers in her life. not just me, but she said tonight,
we like each other's writing.
and i said,
yes, that helps.

i devour what she writes, because it is compelling. damn good. i say. and i don't say that lightly.

i'm going to go to bed and believe it will all be well, because i trust, and know it will be. every single bit of it is conspiring toward goodness for me.

and i told her,
i am waiting for you in october.

but the truth is,
she is also waiting for me.

i will turn in my packets on time and surpass expectation, because that is what i do.

i'm grateful, for all of it. even the challenges. they help us grow.

it's not going to be easy,
she said to me once.

it's not about ease,
i replied,
it's about growth.

and i still believe that.

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