Thursday, April 28, 2011

stranger things

it's hard to find words for the past two days. they have been unlike any i have ever lived. and i was present to them. the ups, the downs, the inbetweens. i would like this to be my norm, staying with what comes. welcoming those who cross my path and trusting myself to know how to take care of me.

some moments, when the tulips are in fullbloom and the riot of spring is in full swing, it is easy to trust. yesterday was one of those days. today, i had to choose to trust. and so i did. and so i do. even now. mindfully.

there is much yet for me to do. i have a young daughter to shepherd. a slew of poems yet to write.

there is much yet to do. may i do it with the abandon of yesterday, that carried into today. when i chose to believe. i choose to believe in this moment.

i am beginning to believe there are no accidents, no missteps, no wrong turns. only adventures to be had. enjoy them. when sadness comes, weep. in its own way, this is enjoyment of sadness.

i was asked yesterday,
why did you start belly dancing.

and i threw my head back and laughed.
it was the age before sorrow.

i explained to her what i meant, and she looked me in the eyes, stricken, and i said,
it's alright. it wasn't then, but it is now.

you see loves, whenever i have abandoned myself to a moment. to fully embrace the depths of it, the heights of it, the darkness of it, the light, some growth has occurred, without exception.

so even when sadness comes, i open my arms to embrace it.
joy is not the only guest at my table. and when you get to know them, intimately, like any stranger come a callin' they become friends.

when sorrow, who has finally sojourned on, comes again to visit, i will welcome him. for i know him, intimately.

when joy flits off and leaves me as it has so many times before, i will see it as a season, a wintering, when demeter cries, and persephone must be out of sight. spring will come again. so too, joy.

but for now, for now, these curious bedfellows, these delights, these trials.

we are getting to know each other's face and name.

and it is good to have goodness for an extended stay. that is a coveted guest, but i have spent copious amounts of time with sorrow, and understand, this is also a guest who must come, must stay, and in time, only in sorrow's own time, take leave.

i understand this now. and i welcome them all, seasons, friends, lovers.

and i begin to believe, there are no enemies.

only strangers we do not yet comprehend.

1 comment:

Geen Grey said...

OOOh, good words love. I love it. I love your writing. It's very moving.
I am glad you are having good days!