cave paintings

do you know what it's like,

i asked.

she listened.

like my mind is a cave and you've painted and carved images all over it. i have to look out through my eyes and not stay in my head.

she's there. she knows she's there. i know she's there. i try to do the things that need be done. tend to what needs my attention. and sometimes, we connect.

relationally, i've come a long way. i don't need traditional anything anymore. not even commitment. i don't really want it. but this living in a new way comes with uncertainty. it comes with a high trust quotient. trust who, you ask. myself. that i will know what to do when it's time to do it.

so i go climb mountains, and meet new people and see new sights, because i need beauty. i need to be embraced by beauty.

sometimes i can explain it. sometimes i can't.

and i live so far from the world of places and things. i walk in a presence i have never experienced before. because it is the only place i am safe.

and when she comes to me, and i open my arms again, my mind is free. my heart is free. she is free. it's something.

i have come from a very far country, it has been an arduous journey. but i would do it all again.

all of it.