steady girl

i am trying to get a handle on my energy level which is all over the charts and not in good ways. it feels as though someone just broke pool and the balls are skittering all over the field of felt in my chest.

are you okay,

the yoga teacher asked.

yes, i'm just tired.

i replied from child's pose. we were not doing anything horribly strenuous, but my body felt like a folding chair that would snap shut at any moment.

so i stepped out of the position and sank to the ground. stretched my arms as far as they could go and sank my head into my knees. my lower back felt as tight as my budget (har har!)

when i got back into it, i was wobbly, but still able to do one leg parallel position. i think because she starts with such long stretches of deep squats, and i'm beat already, that i just couldn't be graceful today. though coming out of the parallel leg and transitioning into tree was quite smooth.

but even in forward bend my legs quivered, and my body felt like a souffle ready to collapse.

i'm home trying to eat and ground myself. perhaps that is my problem, i've eaten too little and asked too much of my body for about a week now. i don't like to eat when i don't feel hungry, and i don't get that hunger pang thing too readily, so i have to start eating as a matter of choice, rather than necessity.

it's an interesting dilemma, because food is enjoyable, we need it to live. but i don't want to eat when i'm not hungry, and perhaps it's what i'm eating. i must rethink my diet. transform my life.

today i have to work, for myself, but still work.

but first, a hot bath. hot cup of chai with soy. some rest. then i will be ready.