head stand

i went back to sophie's class last night because i was out of sorts. i needed to find my center again as i'd been thrown off. this time when we did the headstand preparation, i went ahead and lifted my legs into the headstand, with sophie spotting me, i was in a head stand for about 30 seconds, then got all wobbly and let myself down. but i did it. it was wonderful.

i'm awful, just atrocious at following direction, but maybe this will help. some of it is instinctive, you have to know where to go, what to do, i get all caught up in the words sometimes, and i'm grateful i'm learning the names of poses, and beginning to recognize the flow.

i didn't get into the writer's conference i'd hoped to attend in la. and while that saddens me, everything has a purpose. there is a reason for everything. so, i will still enjoy myself and move forward.

my work is getting stronger, though i am hesitant to share it with many people at this point because it is so close to the bone. lately, only my sister has been seeing any of it. and my best friend hearing it. she tells me to change this or that, i told her

she's quite the poetry critic now.

when she balks at yet another session of poetry reading i remind her,

it's in the fine print of our best friend contract, you have to be subjected to my work.

then you have to listen to my critique,

she replies.

i liked it better when she was ignorant these things and had no opinion. sometimes that's easier. though having someone argue with me about my work is probably good for me. i can see where i deliberately did or do something.

but, beggars can't be choosers. i would like to find some kindred community as at the moment i'm feeling isolated artistically. though i have had experiences i wouldn't trade, the rush of poems that come from the conversations i have with a dear friend. it's all still there, i just want to share it, willingly with others.

how does that happen?

i don't know.

so i kept having to breathe deep and still my mind yesterday because my baby needed to see the doctor. i don't know what it is about me and doctors but i get freaked out.

so yoga. then sophie led us through a quiet meditation at the end which helped tremendously. i felt lost before i arrived, and when i left, felt myself again.

it doesn't hurt too that she walks over and helps me get into position. we don't talk much, but she is whom i would model myself after if i could. there are not many people i can say that about.

she closes the session with,

when you are in the place of light, of love, of truth in yourself, and i am in the place of light, of love, of truth in myself, then we are one.

i love that. so true.