Saturday, August 19, 2006

daddy's girl.

so one of the yeuckiest discoveries i've made recently is my seeming dependence on the male species. blegh.

i'm wading my way through that mess. i thought i'd dealt it a death blow in college and just before, but no. it's there.

picked up the hero's daughter, a book about the father daughter relationship. and how it affects women. i don't fit the description, i'm usually a conglomeration of types in these books i read, but i can glean a bit from here and there. seems if i need a book to really apply, i'm going to have to write it m'self.

how many times in my life i've had to play shrink to my own malady. i guess i'm not the first who's ever done that. it just seems odd. i have no real mentors in this place of psychological dissection. i'm just trying to figure stuff out on my own. and there are so many questions. so many issues.

friends always tell me,
suz, God is the only counsellor you need.


and i agree to a certain extent. sometimes, i just need someone in 3d to sit down with me and share their vast experience. if they are actually trained counsellors this is a much easier process. if they are laypersons, then it becomes a quagmire from which i have to extract myself, because not only am i trying to teach them, ground them, give them understanding of where i'm coming from, i'm trying to grapple with the actual issues.

i hope to go back to school and study psychology and poetry. the two are really powerful and would definately keep my interest/enlighten me. i don't want to do school if i can't study what i want to study.

the thing that is coming up now is, i may not get to go this semester, or for a year and a half, but i will continue to push ahead with my studies and progress, hopefully extracting and understanding some of why i am so comfortable around men, to my peril really.

one other interesting note in this book is the absent or distant mother figure. it really is a wake up call for me not to be a cut-out of a mom, but an actual person in my daughter's life. i have encouraged her daddy's girl tendencies because i was one, too. i understand this. but i want her to have more balance than i've ever had.

i endeavor to do the impossible. as usual.

1 comment:

Mike Duran said...

Hey suz, I've been blessed with two daughters and two sons. Early on I read some stuff by Donald Joy. His books entitled Bonding and Rebonding are fascinating. Anyway, in one of those books he talks about the importance of the opposite parent (father-to-daughter/mother-to-son), affirming the child's role and sexuality. In other words, the father is to affirm the daughter's femininity and, by loving her mother, free her to be herself. It's a very interesting concept. This is possibly why homosexual men are often those who have had no father-figure to draw them out of the "feminine milieu" into masculinity. They stay bonded to a female and are socially stunted/ disfigured. Just random thoughts. Blessings!