overdriven

i live my life at a frantic pace. especially, lately. my mind it seems runs faster than i can keep up with it, and efforts to slow it down are like those mountain roads i now find myself on, i have a huge hum of an engine doing the work to keep the car at a decent rate of speed.

i have to slow it down. i have to.

i multitask my multitasks. it seems i have always done this. some times more than others. but today, just for today. only one task at a time.

though, laundry is hard to do since it is involves mostly waiting (maybe i am missing my point entirely, by writing now that i've started my laundry), but there was no running involved in this morning's processes which is a start.

a gift of contentment, according to johnson is:

stopping.

so if i'm so driven, going so fast, reading in all the cracks of time in my day (which while it is very gratifying and helps me get through many, many books), it may not be the healthiest way to spend my time.

that which we love can quickly degenerate into obsession.

one day we were leaving the house, in the car, and my girl called out,

oh no, i've forgotten a book!

this pleased me immensely. for you see, she reads a great deal. it is my gift to her, shall we say.

i've come to books late in life, and have so much reading to do. my list grows longer and longer, i can't even consider fiction an option because the nf and poetry keep me so busy. reading the classics just isn't possible at this point in my life.

but am i training her to be franticly productive? or am i gifting her with language and creativity. i hope and pray for the latter.

this modern way of doing, doing, doing, is killing me. i'm sure of it. so i'm going to start being, being, being. more than i am. less accomplishment, more contentment. less frantic, more peace. less hurry, more lingering.

i don't know how it will work out. but i've been headed in this direction for a great while. perhaps i can let go of my need to accomplish. my need to achieve. my need to do something. and just do things for the sake of doing them. be about dish washing because it is what i'm doing at the moment. less because it has to be done.

passionately, rapturously embracing them moment. yes. that is it.