Saturday, August 12, 2006

if i tell you more

this has been the great question of my life. if i tell you the whole story, will you leave? if i tell you how i really feel, will you leave? if i tell you more will you leave?

i've not taken the wisest path to writing. i've not taken the wisest path to life. i've laid it all out here for anyone to see, and some part of me wishes it were not so. that i could whisper my secrets to a small community of the faithful that will never tell. but that is not who i was created to be.

i just read the most encouraging words from friends about this place of vulnerability. this place of rawness. this place i live.

look into his eyes. be present. love him.

wise counsel. i shall try.

today we sojourn to niagara falls. i've only ever seen it on the tv a couple times. i'd not have chosen to go there but for my beloved. so i'll likely be swept off my feet and awed by God. at least that is my hope.

i'll get to see some parts of new york that i have never seen, and that my friends, is what rings my bell. seeing things i've not laid eyes on before. capturing them in poetry and spending time with my people.

i have hoped that we could travel these states and see all those little nooks and crannies of interest along the way. but my husband says i'd grow tired of the endless travel, though i don't realize it now. he's probably right. he's usually right, which is probably why i get so irritated when he says stuff.

i had thought i'd stop blogging all together, but as my friend advises, i'll leak out a bit of my life and thoughts here still. i'll continue to be here for your eventual return even if i never know who you are.

today i away and hopefully won't blog tomorrow. but may. you know how it is with me. i can't seem to keep from the letters. from pouring out my heart one fragment at a time.

come back if you want me to tell you more...

2 comments:

Miss Audrey said...

You know, vulnerable isn't so bad if you can convince yourself that you're okay with the results of your openness. I tell myself that I'm okay with who I am, and then I spill all, and then I have to question... Then I'm okay, and then I spill all, and then I have to question. It's endless. You are not alone.

On a different note: I was born in upstate New York. You must share the stories of the beauty that you found there!

Anonymous said...

It is said, we are made just alittle lower than the angels. Though in my life, I've met a couple that resemble more so the angels. If being open means, visible to others, in the respect of shareing what makes most us all click, if not in whole, asuredly in part.Then I think it must be a blessing to those who see in one's openess revealed, the most secure aspect of a life.where most are afraid to search their own souls, much less to share.I for one, am honoured, and appreciate such openess, to give me courage to see me, in the finding of me, then i know what to fix, not i, but God.For not a one of us is unbroken, and not a one of us can champion without God.and who can tell, indeed by an angel we are visited.