giving away my power

it is not every day i let someone completely get me off my game. but it happened yesterday. as soon as i arrived to work in high spirits, there was a customer intent on stealing.

i'd never encountered stealing by abuse, but her tactics worked. she badgered me a good ten minutes, and there are so many things i woulda, coulda, shoulda done in hindsight, but i let the bitch get to me and i gave her power to hurt me.

my co-workers didn't know how to pull me out of the rut i got into after that theft, and i didn't either. but i keep processing things in my mind, going over the scenario, trying to see what i could of done, what i will do next time.

we get some of the kindest people, but then we get thieves. and this one was so bold and in your face about it, i wasn't expecting it. and it frustrates me that i was the pawn she used to take the store.

the district manager was in house when all this happened and said,

shake it off, it's not your money.

but that wasn't the point.

during the ordeal, the thing that bothered me most, was she (the thief) took one of my actions, innocent to an honest person (that could have been my first clue right there) and used it to determine i was "mean."

she told everyone wihtin the radius of the register the whole time i was working how horrible i was and shit like that.

that i didn't shut her down, is my error number two. it's hard to think with someone riding you viciously the whole way.

the entire night ended in drama that i'm told may turn out for good, but i left there with my head reeling from it all.

crazy management. here we go again.

i walked away with an employee saying,

what am i still doing here? i have to get out of here.

she agreed.

i kept thinking the entire time i was trying to rectify the situation that communication doesn't go two ways with the unreasonable. and while in the end, i did get my point across, it wore me thin like butter scraped across too much bread.

i did not need that shit in my refuge. perhaps taking cover in asylums is my first mistake.

though that word asylum is not even a shadow of what it once was. it has been turned on its head to mean something beside what it once meant.

i want the asylum of original intent. a refuge. a place of rest. a safe haven.

to date, i have none.