growed up

i was right, five pounds. my girl summed it up,

that's a half a pound a day.

that's about how much i ate.

plus, i sat on my ass the entire time. maybe this winter i'll do the gym. i just didn't have it in me to exercise. in many ways it was my vacation, and that's how many of us justified it. at one point during a meal, i pushed my plate away and said,

this is like forcefeeding.

after that, i stopped eating so much. everything looks good when you first get there. and plus, who can turn down carrot cake at every meal? not me. that is one of my weaknesses. but a huge calorie indulgence. i realized what the deal was, it was a social event. meals were where we discussed the three hour discussions of poetry. where we decompressed and bonded. i think i'll not buy the meal plan next time, and just eat when i have to. but it will be winter and maybe eating is important then. i don't know.

i am feeling like my old self again, in many ways. up before anyone is at their desks, i decided to go by my car guys and see if i couldn't get an inspection. they fit me in, so i left my car. since i've been to the gym, i'm walking around in my sweaty clothes. fortunately i remembered to load my thirty books into my rolling crate so i didn't have to carry them to the library. i rolled them along behind me.

got many things out of the way. and with the ex sans trabajo, i now have to pay for everything myself, and it looks like he'll be relocating back to the lone star state pretty soon. meaning, mommy me. i will have my girl during the transition and until he finds a job. my little place with the two of us. that will be something.

but she's pretty profoundly out of shape at the moment, and i know it's due to my not making her exercise. hell, i didn't make myself exercise for a week and gained five pounds. so, we're going swimming after we get my car. i have a couple hours she can have today. then weds, we're spending all day at the pool. after we hit the hudson. but i may try to forego that, and make her walk with me. she'll be exhausted, but it's good for us. i must remind myself of this.

what is moderation? i don't know.

so i had to do some of the things i probably should have done long ago. finally, today, split off my insurance from his. things like that. the little nit picky things that go with rending lives. and homes.

my semester has just begun and i've got to attack the work, but so far, nothing. we'll have to see how my schedule changes things. i was pretty much a closer at my last store, so i could fall into a sleep late rhythm. but not so much. here i have equal amounts of closes and mids/latemids, which make the sleep situation interesting. i'll have to fit study inbetween the cracks, as i always do.

at least, at the very least, i wrote about three poems, viable poems while i was at the residency, and these i can include in my first packet. only nine more to go. but i'm feeling a lot of things stirring. the museum was very fruitful. very much where i needed to be. an infusion of beauty. let me see if i can't find that print of the lady with the dude's head in a jar. here is the keats' poem, the story is from. and here the oil.

and now, to try to do some work.