doing laundry, watching a movie, mostly trying to rest. i'm pretty tired but rested well last night. i was bright eyed and bushy tailed for work today. lots of laughter, my face hurt within an hour of being there, we had a good time, laughing and smiling. i like to be able to be a dork. but i'm not always in the mood for it. and if i'm with a downer crowd, it's hard to pull up.
so i got on register all day today because i was laughing, the customers were laughing, i was dancing to the shitty music and singing horribly. had a good time. a very good time today.
but i'm tired. i need this break. work grinds me down to a bloody nub, and i'm finding more and more facets of this political climate i don't like. essentially, this is what it boils down to, if the dm don't like you, you ain't goin' anywhere. not up down or sideways and that's petty. no one should have that kind of power.
i've managed to avoid his bad side, but so many people i adore have not. it frustrates me. better workers than me are being held back or overlooked because of personal biases, certainly not for the benefit of the company.
time after time the story is the same. i'm tired of hearing it.
but grumpy gus likes me now, i said to him today,
you're over hating me now.
he smiled. he has this wicked evil genius smile.
and i came back from lunch having hiked my drawers up too high and laughed telling the other kids,
i gave myself a wedgie.
it was that kind of day. talk of aprons only (yikes, the images that put in my head were enough to keep me laughing sporadically throughout the day). not to mention the hygenic faux pas that would create. i just kept saying,
my girls won't stay put, they need to be corralled,and we all laughed.
it all started when this man with a suit and tie who wanted a green tea did "not object to wood" and we laughed and laughed.
it was great. i know he knew what he said, he thought it was funny too. but the things that happen, the wack conversations we end up having made the day for me.
plus, i got out of there early, before i burned out. and that is all that matters.
don't start until 10:30 tomorrow, so i can get gas, return the dvd i'm indulging in. and load up before work. so much to do.
but it's all good. i'm tired, but ready for this.
just got a note from one of the professors (OMFG!), all this stuff about being willing to rework poems in workshop yada yada yada. i guess i shoulda sent poems i'm willing to revise. but the thing about me is, i'm willing to revise i just don't. never have been convinced of the need. even from the best of writers, i don't agree. i'm so committed to my voice to the point of it being a personal flaw. but that is where i can grow. if someone can teach me how to revise, i will attempt revision. the thing about it is, no one has ever been able to impart that bit of wisdom. the how to of revision.
strengthen your verbssomeone said to me.
bite me,i responded. i'm not going to go through every poem and strengthen my verbs. that is so not me. i either hit it, or i write a new poem. that is my process.
we'll see how it goes. i'm open. i'm willing. perhaps i'm able.
i'll likely go by and see my crone before i drive off to ma tomorrow. it will make me happy. and my best friend will come by and see me off too.
that will make me incredibly happy. i hate that word. happy. it's a bullshit word. it will be nice. but that too is a bullshit word. nice.
i told this one customer, quoting my favorite movie (a very hip guy, not some dowdy old dude or anything).
i don't want to be nice. or anyone to be nice to me.
.
the next time he came in he threw his money and said,
here bitch.
.
and i looked at him, shocked.
he said,
you didn't want me to be nice.
.
and i laughed.
you surprised me, and that's quite an accomplishment.
we laughed. he asked me my nationality. we are of simliar ilk. he is a singer, rapper type. eurpoean. something about uk djs, how they're the bomb. i don't know anything about it.
but i like to see people passionate about what they do. who they are. that pleases me.
pursue your bliss,campbell would say.
yes. i try.
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