i don't know how you do it,she said,
just keep going.
.
that's why i pass out when i get the chance.
.
i've crammed a lot in lately. but that's because when people can see me, i have to be around them. i don't do so well completely isolated. i can't remember when i last holed up and went it alone. this is why i feel like an extrovert, but when i was with that poet in new york, i knew entirely that i have a fully developed introvert. i can't handle it all the time.
we went to the hudson this morning. fed the geese. my girl is midway through a pokethon while playing her ds. i get that this is how people spend time, and sometimes i'm grateful. because i just can't keep up with everything i have in my heart to do. but i've got her another night, then i will be gone for a while. embracing the unknown.
though i imagine, this residency will be just like a prolonged intensive. we read, write, and discuss there. that is the sum of the residency. some nights readings are scheduled. i think the one i'm reading at is on tuesday night, about midway through the whole enchilada.
i've decided to read about three of my favorite poems. poems i've read a lot of late. moreso because i like them, then because i don't have anything better. perhaps i do, but bloodlust is always a good poem. sangre de dios, tambien. the final one will likely be, bury me in the lake. that should be very close to three minutes. i want to read more, but this will do.
went to a fourth of july festival with my best friend yesterday. it was nice to be in the sun, but she doesn't handle it so well, and i hope she's faring better than last night. we spent a deal of time with our crone, whom i now won't see for three weeks. this is tough.
i can't explain how it feels to be around them. like i have nothing to hide. that is a wonderful feeling. i don't have anything to hide, but anything is acceptable. and that is quite a feeling.
there is a new activity my best friend is experimenting with and i told her,
i won't do that.
but it's really cool.
yes, but it's not me.
and she tries to convince me why it is of value.
it is of value for you, i don't judge you for that, but it would impede on my process.
howso?
and we discuss process again. she's a scientist. very keen on the wherefores. i'm very keen on the whys. the whys are the grist for my mill. the whys are what matter most to me. to answer my questions is to rob from me the fodder for my poetry. i think mulling over questions is what produces most of my work, simple as that.
today my reek of patchouli confused a bee. he wasn't aggressive, just curious. he didn't want to go away and landed in my hair. i finally whooshed him away and came inside. perhaps it is too much of a good thing. but i love it. it is the scent of freedom.
i want to sleep more.
closing the store monday and tuesday. then mids weds and thurs. i hope they change their standard to accomodate my arrival, otherwise, i be sleeping in my pony. we'll see how it goes. either way, i will keep to my established plan and it will be well.
my mom says,
park by the security booth and sleep there.
she's always looking out for me. i'm grateful for that.
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