decisions, decisions

we're going camping this weekend. the hardest thing i have to decide is what books to take. last time i took about five books with me, tomes. big heavy things. i was glad i grabbed what i did because i hadn't known what i would be reading that weekend. and it proved most fortuitous that i took the wild women book. which led to finishing my eve speaks poem, the rest, as they say, is history.

so who will accompany me this weekend? surely merton. don potter has a book out called facing the wall. i'll likely bring it and read it aloud to my family as we drive to camp. st. john got a little roughed up last trip, maybe he'll get the weekend off. i've new schaap i've not read. my family opted to hear his barneveld calvary over tolkien. and my then 8 year old requested i read him to her again (she's got great taste in literature). yes, schaap will go (incidentally, he is the only author i had to take about five books he'd written with me to fit my many moods and the preferences of my family. if you've not read him, he is very edgy. i laugh. i ache. i love reading him). i take my own work in progress along, and last time spent some time contemplating it.

i never really ask the how can i improve this question. which some would say is to my own peril. but i ask myself, would i write this again? do i still believe this? and every time i answer yes.

looks like when we return, we'll be preparing to relocate. a big adventure ahead and i'm excited. the only bummer is that i'll miss seeing my bulbs come up. some grape hyacinth and diminutive daffodils have come up, but the irises i've been waiting for, for years. our passion vine is all ready returning to life, from its seasonal slumber.

but this is when i find out if i am attached to wordly things. my husband says the piano can't go. this bums me out. but it was a gift, and i have to trust that God has something else in mind for us. i have to believe that.

today i read about joseph, about moses entering the promised land. in many ways this leaving the old habitation is that for me. an outward sign. so i'm ready to cast off a great many things that have encumbered me to this point. i just pray for strength to let go. to help my daughter and husband let go.

i can release my things relatively easily, i've been doing that all my life. but they are a different story.

of course, i'll miss my dear friends here. i have four best friends here (and by that i mean, those types of people who i can stand in utter nakedness of soul and spirit and they will not take potshots. or wound me, but cover me in love. i am a woman most blessed). but there must be more people i am to meet. this encourages me.

the promise of new territory to explore. new lands to discover. new birds and butterflies to experience. the whole thing is quite exciting. there is a mountain, i am told, where we will be going. not a large one, but certainly larger than the flat lands of texas. i never thought i'd get used to texas. and now that i have, it's time to go. texas has been good to me, but i'm glad to leave. it has never been my home, merely my landing point for a while.