discipline

incase you haven't guessed, i'm not the queen of discipline. i don't sit down and do much of anything regularly, but i am trying to pray every morning. blogging, too. but that is about as far as discipline goes in my life.

i am trying to sit down every day and write. it is tough because it is contrary to my thoughts on writing. i am inclined to write when i have something to say, not just because a clock tells me it is time to write.

i understand the reason for the discipline of sitting down to write regularly, but i do not know that it is necessarily right for me. i produce a lot of words when i don't sit down every day. is my purpose then to generate more words? or is it to generate Spirit breathed words? or suz generated words? is there a difference? how do i do both?

while i've no definitive answers, i am attempting to yield to the discipline of this season. while talking with my sister yesterday about worship, it made me realize, i want to be in the place of authority, but am i ready? if i were called up today to be God's woman in the writing world, am i really ready for that? if not, what difference does it make if i'm not preparing unto the day when i will be called up? my days of small beginnings are for naught if i'm not moving toward being instant in season and out.

that being instant word really gets me. i want to be able to speak when asked, even if it is without preparation. i want to be able to write (not sure if that is an entirely different application of this word), when asked. dance, when called upon to dance (though my dance is not performance, it is worship).

if i am piddling about without discipline, can i ever hope to be instant in season? i don't really think so. as fond as i am of my loosey-goosey lifestyle, i have to build up my endurance and that means training, discipline.

so that is what i'm about now. disciplining myself unto the day when i am called upon. though i think that day is upon me and i am doing a bit of catch up. in a way i have been preparing, but hell week is coming and i've got to make it through.