lineage

in my prayers this morning, the lineage of Jesus was one of the readings. i was struck by the mention of women in this passage, namely these:

Tamar. raped
Rahab. prostitute
Ruth. moabitess
"the wife of Uriah" Bathsheba. adulteress
Mary. unwed mother

God does not operate as we do. He is not afraid of scandal. He is looking at hearts. this comforts me more than you can imagine. in the matter of uriah the hittite, he was not in the lineage, but he was named. it could have been avoided, by merely calling her bathsheba, but no. she was called, the wife of uriah--and she wasn't even his wife when mothering solomon. scandalous.

these are some of the most intriguing passages to me. where God demonstrates His willingness to be fully known. i hide the darker parts of my story (even still), but not so with God. men aren't able to be as forgiving, or are they? clearly they see the GodMan Christ Jesus and don't fumble over the scandal. why then does that not happen more interpersonally?

not that i want to become scandalous to test this theory. but having lived a sullied life, i know it to be true. although, there are those rare souls, those brave seeing ones who seem to look beyond it all. to see through the shame and sin to the person deep within.

i was told this weekend,

God loves you.

and it struck me as so obvious, but it is so necessary to hear. a blessing pronounced, even when i am lost in His embrace. because He is so far beyond my comprehension that i need to be reminded. st. john is a slippery fish to me, because he says,

come to the place where you no longer need or desire consolation.

enter into that void of trust (essentially). that void can be a dangerous place. it is dark and dark means scary (at least to me). but even in the darkness He is there. even in shadow, He remains. i forget this often. He is everywhere present. He inhabits all space and time. i am never alone.

so when they write my name, if something scandalous follows, i must remember God still loves me. and has a new name, a secret name, which will become my true identity. no more:

suzanne. molested.

acknowledging the dark parts of a story don't make them more true. it drains them of their power. too long i've been afraid of these words. but not anymore. i am not afraid.

this will not be me forever. i will someday be (all ready am):

suzanne. redeemed.