dishpan hands

my husband asks me why i like this little church we found (or God put us in, is probably more accurate).

i don't really have an answer. but i left for church yesterday morning heavy of heart. weary. many troubled waters of my mind were stirring. and i walked to the chapel and sat in the creaky old wooden pews (the building has been around since 1860), and the stain glassed windows tower to the ceiling. they have the names of the men and women (full names, not just mrs. henry whatever) who donated them. they are all stained glass, so the colored hue of the room is especially gorgeous in the morning.

there's a big punchbowl of holy water (i don't know the proper names for any of this stuff), and a huge altar with kneelers 360 degrees around, gorgeous.

when the priest is preparing the one Great Feast, the bell tower chimes at particular junctions and it makes my heart beat faster. when the fraction happens, it rings thrice and i just lose my breath. i wondered how they knew when it was time to ring the bell (i couldn't figure it out), but a lady i met yesterday told me the bell ringer just listens to the liturgy and knows when to ring it. it is still utterly gorgeous though demystified.

i think the ceremony of it all, the organ (and i'm not partial to any organ, they are a weird instrument whose sound is less than glorious, shall we say), the hymns sung fully--all six verses if there be six verses, that blesses me because i'm about the story, the build up, the message of what we're singing not that it fits in some time slot.

sometimes i think we put God in corset and wonder why He doesn't let it all hang out.

this song was sung yesterday, and i wrote down the words and sang it for the rest of the afternoon. i now want more than anything to add it to my slight piano repertoire.

Fairest Lord Jesus

1. Fairest Lord Jesus,
ruler of all nature,
O Thou of God and man the Son,
Thee will I cherish,
Thee will I honor,
Thou art my glory, joy and crown.

2. Fair are the meadows,
fairer still the woodlands,
Robed in the blooming garb of Spring;
Jesus is fairer,
Jesus is purer,
Who makes the woeful heart to sing.

3. Fair is the sunshine,
fairer still the moonlight,
And all the twinkling starry host;
Jesus shines brighter,
Jesus shines purer
Than all the angels heaven can boast.

my girl has been tricking me into long walks. and i hardly need to be tricked but sometimes i don't want to go anywhere until i get there. she knows this about me. so we're out rambling about town and she says,

turn left here. let's turn right there.

and i let her lead because she is a bright girl.

so she mentions she saw a park, and i'm thinking, this is another trick (Lord, forgive my unbelief). so we backtrack and sure enough, there is a park. dedicated and signed, everything. it is this wooded park that makes one feel like they are in the forest. i walked through this place with awe, and we found the creek is accessible in this park.

while walking i felt like a little child being led. i kept thinking of peter being led where he does not want to go. (does the Bible come to you this way? actively? incorporating itself into your every day? i think this is part and parcel of why i get the poetry i get. the Bible speaks to me every day in myriad ways).

sitting beside the creek, mallard girls and boys came to see if we had any food for them. there is nothing half so lovely as a duck butt sticking up in the air while it gets food. the angular shapes and buoyancy were just delightful.

at one point there was some duck ruckus and my girl asked,

what are they doing?

the boys are fighting over the girls,

i said.

she said,

the girls are fighting.

then the girls are fighting over the boys, (figures)

i said.

we saw the snake again. or a cousin. swimming up stream, and i called my girl,

come look at the snake.

which probably wasn't the brightest thing to do, but i figured the odds of getting bit by a snake swimming by are probably relatively low.

i sat there, beside the creek and sang fairest Lord Jesus. it was healing to my soul. i am sure my girl and i will spend much time at this new park, especially since it is just down the street (the access point), from our apartment.

they had a dinner at the church, london broil, baked potatoes, and whatnots. my hubby helped cook. i helped do the dishes. it took hours to do all the dishes and i came home tired, but at peace.

sometimes, one needs the Body of Christ to be the Body of Christ. to encircle you without question and with acceptance. to give you a place to serve and let you do your job. for however long you happen to be there. to be a part. to belong.

i can't say why i like this little church, but it moves me deeply. it seems the kind of place i can find peace.