waiting one moment longer

so i'm reading the tao te ching, and came across this passage:

Forty-five

Great accomplishment seems imperfect,
Yet it does not outlive its usefulness.
Great fulfillment seems empty,
Yet it cannot be exhausted.

Great straightness seems twisted.
Great intelligence seems stupid.
Great eloquence seems awkward.

Movement overcomes cold.
Stillness overcomes heat.
Stillness and tranquility set things in order in the universe.

the only things that seem to resonate with me these days are paradox, metaphor, and unknowing. in zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance, he uses the beautiful phrase

in the high places of the mind the air is thin with uncertainty.

yes.

when i read the saints and mystics, they seem to be saying the same thing. the only way to know God is through unknowing. fenelon,

stop learning. it will take you a lifetime to use what you know.

so much in the way of, be still, experience life, be present. so little in the way of how i tend to live, disconnected, apart. i'm trying to make room for wholness, to allow myself room to spread the roots deep. to be still and thrive.

i feel a stillness in the air that i would normally call the great heave before the thrust, but it is a lull before the breakthrough. the quiet before the bulls are in the chute and ridden. it's almost show time.

i spent some of this weekend planning what i'll wear, how i'll present myself. this weekend, i'm going with comfort and style. not over the top, but certainly things i feel gorgeous in.

people keep asking me, are you published? i say, soon. very soon. because i know it is coming. i can feel it. the impending opening of a path i've longed for. now who will go with me is the question. my prayer is that more poets would arrive on the scene of my life and that i would soon be able to conquer the city, and frequent poetry haps there. so much i'm missing out on by being so close and yet not braving the trains.

but that will all be changing soon. very soon.