fill my mouth with laughter

given this is my first year in a chapel which keeps the feasts and holy days, i want to attend them all. this thursday is ascension, and i want to be there. but we've got a hot date with the renaissance faire. i'm supposed to pick up my tickets outside the front gate and am not sure of the location of the faire, or the lady who will have my tickets. i'm not certain i can squeeze in the ascension and make it in time to the faire. what to do.

a major feast i'll miss is pentecost. this bummed me out quite a bit until i found out i'd be retreating to a anglican convent. hopefully i can sneak away and attend the service there. it is a pretty important event as far as my poetry series goes, but if it does not work out, i guess there is a plan b of which i am unaware. which would not suprise me in the least.

well i've gotten myself in a campout for this weekend, gratefully only one night of squealing girls. there are at least forty in the age group my daughter and i will be bunking with. i am hoping it won't be too difficult to steal away and read.

i've picked up marion woodman's bone. a book about dying into life. very much where i'm at. she refers to her husband's involvement with other religions in ways i've not previously seen, but this is a personal journal of hers documenting her battle against cancer.

mike duran is talking about cyber communities and how they are being looked at as the new wave of churches. well, whatever form the body of Christ takes, it is just nice that it is taking form.

i am praying about my vocabulary for joy. my capacity to experience and describe this most elusive phenomenon. i've got the dark stuff down. now it is time to find words and manners of describing blessing.

the phrase that i love most in the Bible is about job, and God, filled his mouth with laughter. if He can do that for job, striken man that he was, He can do that for me.

i found a penny saturday, they surprise me. they still turn up here and there and i hold them and regard them for a moment, wondering, this is supposed to mean something, but what?

then i remember, joy. i smile and tuck the penny someplace it will not be lost. it is good not to lose one's joy. it is good to find it again when one has lost it. it is good not to have it stolen, it is good to have it returned.

joy.

i approach this word with awe and wonder because it is so foreign to me. it is something i've come to live without great quantities of for so long. it is something i am searching for. yet, am still uncertain of what exactly it is i seek. where do i find it, why do i keep looking?

joy.

mingled with tears and laughter. mingled with wine and good friends. mingled with hope and trust. unfettered. freely given, freely recieved.

yes, that is what i am looking for.