comfort

when summing up today what exactly it is i'm after, i said, comfort.

i guess i've been so uncomfortable for so long, i'd not noticed it, but now, it's all i notice. and last night i had some issues to struggle with, or maybe it was the night before, who knows, the days all run together...and all i wanted was somewhere cozy to be. did i find that place, no.

i think the thing about it is, i can't depend on anyone else to provide said comfort. i have to figure that one out myself. because all the options at this point leave me wanting, and i willingly walk away from what i know (and has lost the ability to soothe me--or lull me into oblivion) for being awake.

but being awake isn't necessarily comfortable.

and being comfortable isn't necessarily awake.

quite the conundrum.

i want them both. can i have them both? remains to be seen, but i'll do my best. and try to muster all the dignity i can along the way.