let me love you

there are so many things going on right now, most of them good. some of them not so. i've become one of those promise breaking parents, and it bums me out. but i'm about to leave my house and set out on my own, and i need coin. i guess this is where it comes to what matters. but in this economy, i must work when i can. and so i do.

they're not happy about it, but i've long stopped trying to please the ex.

so much to say, so much to do, probably none of it here makes sense and i can't spell it out so clearly as i'd like. i just can't.

today was curious, but good. and the rush and hurry of my job keeps me on my toes, keeps me moving forward.

for now, it is enough. and i am happy.

my best friend's husband said,

tell her to go be happy.

and so i am trying.

i'm trying to figure out what makes me happy. what do i need to be happy? what essential elements must be present for my happiness? not sure. don't know. couldn't tell you if you asked.

i knew long ago i had no clue. but i still have no clue. when do we finally come to grips with what makes us most happy?

not sure. don't know. couldn't tell you if you asked.

so, i go, day by day, trying to keep my chin up, to keep my spirits up, and to be genuine.

am i making solid choices? i hope so.

am i making wrong choices, perhaps.

who can know in the moment what is and isn't right.

the moral compass, i know. but there are also variables. and, well, i'm not making excuses, i'm just saying, it is what it is. i'm saying nothing plainly, but perhaps making sense to those who can read between the lines.

i must to bed. it's late. day comes too soon.