home now

listening to the foos all day. wow, they're amazing. don't know how i missed out on them for so long. i'm listening to their patience... album (or, cd. whatever).

every song rocks. that hasn't happened in a long time. my sis and i, we disagree on the pretender, (lyrix) and the foos in general. she has her reasons for not liking them, but i say, how can you not? it would help if i actually listened to the radio on a regular basis, but i don't. i'm pretty much out of touch with all things contemporary. i live in my own little bubble, like most people, i guess.

it's strange, the way things are. we are here under the same roof, but i have to keep leaving. i'm just antsy. i think when i'm finally alone, it will hit me then and i'll cry and cry. sometimes i have to just stop thinking about it so i don't surge like the red sea chock full o'egyptians.

and then i go to work and visit. drink my fill o'chai. i love chai. i keep missing the mark on things because there is soooo much, so many little details, and i get one and another slips through my fingers. i've not figured out how to keep on top of it all. it keeps besting me. but my boss laughs and tells me to keep trying.

at least i've got that in my favor.

favor is a powerful thing. something i do not take lightly.

home now, she's abed, and i'm wide awake. i was supposed to go see a movie but it didn't happen. so i'm watching a movie right now, hope it's good. it's a focus feature and those are pretty damn good, the ones i've seen. my kind of out there movie. eternal sunshine is one of those.

there are no giant revelations or intrigues. i just want you back. every day, every moment that goes by, i want you back.

i sat in my chair at the library, or one close to it. there was a lady who smelled like dogs occupying my corner chair, and sleeping. why sleep in the best seat in the house? i don't get that. if you're just going to sleep, take a corner that isn't prime real estate. but no.

so, i sat off center, and watched through the trees, barren now and wordless. i saw a few hawks in the distance. and wished the squirrel could tell me where you've gone. how long you'll be away, and if i should just move on.

but i can't.

i'm making a good show of it though. my boss says it will just hit me one day and i'll be a mess. he's probably right. i'll kneel down behind the safe and cry, just like i did that one night. then i'll pull myself together and keep moving forward. leaning in to the wind and trying to find my way home.

(btw, love, love, love this song: stranger things have happened, lyrix)