seething

i've tapped into some kind of molten core that burns within me today and i could liquify, reduce to ash any who crosses my path. best stay away.

i realize, since i'm using a heating blanket these days, i am all warm and cozy and don't want to get up though morning insists (and one must rise, eventually it seems). so i do. i won't go into any more detail about that, it is too, raw, to real. and might make you pity me and pity is the last thing i need.

so i go workout and crush my body through vigorous exercise, or should i say exorcise, as it is my only outlet of late. at that, not much.

crushed between the demands on my time, the burdensome weight of obligation. and i can hardly breathe.

i'm so tired of this servitude, this forced march through despair.

but i don't know how to change it.

that's the damn thing about it all. i don't know how to change it.

jump off the cliff or leap off the building, the results look the same to me. a giant SPLAT awaits me.

i guess it's time to embrace that inevitable demise as i've embraced so much else that promised only sorrow. grief, for one.

and i grow tired of the cold.