suspensions and manly women

not that i'm down on the testosterone laden set of women, and perhaps i have more of it than i realize, but i showed up for my volunteer gig this morning and it was all about puffing out chests and scratching the dirt. i don't do that. so i sat in a chair and then walked out. (why prance around and strut your stuff when no one is watching?).

so, i couldn't wrap my mind around what happened and set off for a hike in the mountains with my girl, a light snow was falling and i'd never hiked those trails in the snow, so it was lovely. just lovely.

we hear the hollow clatter of a woodpecker, busy deboweling some unwitting tree (depulping maybe, but deboweling is a great image). the jays calling. no hawks anywhere i could see, until the drive home, then perched right over the road hooded an draped like a shaman crouched before a ceremonial fire, i passed under him and went home.

but not before laboring over whether i should stay becuase i said i'd be there, even though the other leader made it clear she did not need or want my assistance. i was frustrated and said to another leader,

i have too much to do to be here doing nothing.

work calls while i'm hiking, why don't i shut off my phone? asking if i can come in early. we've got a co-dependant thing goin' on and they can't seem to get along without me there. i'm always there. seven days on, one day off. six days on, one day off. i was so tired on my last day off, i didn't go to the poetry reading i needed to go to. i just couldn't drive myself there, i was too tired to be trusted driving an hour there and back alone.

so i opted out.

the young assistant manager whom i really like got suspended because she kept calling out, i had to pick up her shifts, and others did too, which is why the scramble and endless work week. i don't know how many hours i've worked the past week, probably close to forty. i'd be surprised if it is not right up there.

i'm going to request opening on weekends though because seven days of closing is exhausting when you realize everything, and i mean, everything has to be washed and sanitized.

my hands flake and bleed after seven days. i understand why the kids dip things instead of actually washing them. but a dip in dishwashing water is not a wash, and we must not cut corners that affect health. this is hard to maintain seven days into a run and i'm exhausted.

but school is reviving me. my instructor replied to my comment about how angry this poet was making me with her nonsense (she's very famous too, i think you have to be famous sometimes to be completely ludicrous and people let you get away with it). he said,

woohoo!

which makes me smile.

i made the right choice.

there are very few things in life i know.
i made the right choice this semster, that much, i know.

now, a nap before work.
peace.