aller geez!

i'm still wiped out from innundating my system with benadryl. seems the only thing that is helping me at all right now. showed up at work yesterday and i'm in a benadryl haze and my boss looks at me and says,

you're so quiet, i'm worried.

i'm all hopped up on benadryl.

oh,

she says.

probably not the best way to be at work, but it's either that or not functional at all. so, at least i rested last night. one of my texas best friends kept texting me last night, and i just wanted to sleep. it takes me a long time lately to get there, to rest, that is.

but it's nice to have someone who will not quit loving me however gangly and ungainly i appear.

i guess i need to go see an allergist. i hate going to the doctor. don't take meds regularly, but i haven't been this bad in aeons. i guess it's the exhaustion factor compounding it.

my sister sent me this song that when i hear, makes my heart ache. there is something to be said, the ability to capture that kind of longing. do i want to be the one to do that, no. not anymore.

let's move on. i'm tired of the same subjects. but i do know that when i announce a new phase in my writing, it happens. there was a period when i said to my poets, (who of course are not mine but they are mine, understand)

i am going to examine my marriage now.

and that began a journey which produced some of my most memorable lines. people respond to those poems.

the last exploration i startingly set upon must give way to something new.

just not sure what it is. i can't identify it yet.

used to be i'd just have these rapidfire connections. things somehow came together. but whether it's the benadryl or some other disconnect, things are firing, but not in any given direction.

having said that, i shall away. work eventually. i must force myself onto all fours (sometimes it would be nice to be a fourlegged, i think). perhaps i'll be a biped again come work. who knows.