don't encourage me

fresh off the horn with a friend who says i make the details of my life interesting.
HA! such words make me want to write more. why? i don't know. i like words, always have. they've never been lacking in my life. when i'm lonely, they come to soothe me. when i'm sad, they come to relieve me. when i'm tired, they come. they always come. when i'm happy, that is when i seem most wordless, what is that about?

someday (soon i hope), i'm going to be damn happy and write about it.
with the grace and ease of my dear friends, whose joy seems palpable in their writings.

my girl is sad tonight. she waited up for me and lamented a bit. i'm grateful she trusts me. we are a pair, she and i.

sometimes her dad can't soothe her, he just can't get through, and i spend five minutes with the child, and she's a different person when we're done. it's wonderful.

that happened just before we moved, she was BUUUUUUMMMEEED.

but i framed it as an adventure, think of all the wonderful things we'll do, the places we'll see, the people we'll meet. she got excited. where she had been crying inconsolably, she began to see potential for good.

that was tonight's reenactment. and i'm glad i am able to communicate with her. lord knows, i needed anyone who could communicate with me the whole way through my life, and precious few they are, though they are cherished souls indeed.

i seem to have the gift of driving people away. it's not that i don't cherish folk, i just don't have any compulsion to keep a large audience. i'd rather have the few true, trusted souls and that's all i need. the rest are flowers and grass. (you know the poem thing, some friends are like trees, some like grass, some like flowers). i'm grateful for the presence of all types of friends but only truly mourn the passing of those tree friends.

i've not lost any. infact, some saplings have grown quite strong. and i am grateful.
i've a few redwoods towering in my life. and of them i am in awe.

there is some mutuality there and i would have none if it weren't for them.

they come in all types, none of them like me. my god, i couldn't stand a friend like myself, such a flake, too artsy fartsy and fatally idealist.

but i believe we cross paths with those we need to cross paths with. they adorn our lives with so much beauty and grace, they make even the darkest, saddest times bearable.

those are the tree friends.

the ones who will not be moved.

and for them, those who seem to find something encouraging to say when perhaps most others are speechless or embarrassed by my latest overmuch informational confession, for them, i am grateful.