trapped

sometimes i pace the cage feeling trapped. sometimes i don't even have the energy to pace. i just sit there and stare with the detached indifference of one resigned to a cage. sometimes, i come up with every scheme i can to break free. sometimes the days all blend together like a muddy watercolour. sometimes, they are crisp and chiseled, the days, each distinct, like a master's oil painting.

i realize when i don't go to the gym and i languish in my home, those are the worst days for me. for my family. because i feel trapped and slide into a despair i cannot shake.

but today, intent on not doing that again, i went to the gym straight away. the ladies were all over the place and i had to move away from them, but i wasn't about to give over my peace to any stranger.

ran my few errands, now i'm home to a mountain of dishes. but the frame of mind is different and i'm ready for the challenges this day presents. the frustrations, the hovering over the child to get one thing done.

they say we make our own reality. what we focus on becomes what we experience.

i'm not sure how that works, but i've noticed my thought patterns are changing with occasional backfirings of the old ways. though, you'd think my life were a junker of a car, and in some ways it is, i'm in the process of a much needed overhaul.

i'm tired of living my life with the drapes drawn in the gloom of sadness.

it's time to throw open the blinds and embrace the day. the challenges, the triumphs. to believe anything is possible,

because anything is.