or are we fated to certain ends, by certain means?
can we change our lives?
or are we truly impotent?
i like to believe we can change our lives. we can do anything. that there is nothing impossible, only challenges that need a reckoning.
i trust that we are not locked in to mindless living of meaningless lives, but that each moment, each breath can be, in fact, is precious.
there is never nothing happening.
a line from a movie i saw recently, peaceful warrior.
about those who change our lives then disappear.
we must go on living. we must participate in each moment.
this is turning out to be an exciting year so far, so much happening. so much potential.
this year no less than last. moreso, perhaps.
i can spend time wallowing in freakish misery (oops, waxed princess bride again).
or i can trust that though the design is unseen by me, there is a pattern being weaved.
my prof is fond of asking me,
to what degree are you the weaver?
i do not know. (my profundity knows no bounds)
how pivotal am i in my destiny? in my future unveiling? in my dreams coming to fruition?
i do not know. i can't pretend to know.
it has all been such a surprise thus far, and lately, i feel the sun again. i can breathe.
i met the chief of the local nation today. picked him out of a lineup essentially. he had leather thongs on the end of his braids, i knew he was tribal. no white dudes walking around with leather thongs hanging from their braids that i know of.
no, not even willie nelson.
he gave me his card, and i think he wants to meet my family.
curious. we've been so disjointed here in new york. the thought of being all familial now, of presenting ourselves as a clan unto ourselves, is curious to me.
not so much dishonest as, well, just different.
i can't get into it here. i'm not sure what to say or do these days. my life is changing in ways i can hardly express or quantify. so i don't. i just let it ride and see what happens.
so far, i've been pleased with how things are progressing. even when they are bad or scary, because then, i learn and grow.
i'm grateful, for every heart rending moment of the past year, for ever sigh of relief, every tear, everything. i would change none of it.
but it's time to get on with living.
time to launch out, and i feel like the whole world and its endless possibilities are mine.
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