knucklehead move number three

at least when i told the riding instructor that her seventeen hand horse reared up on me, she said,

you did good.

because i remained calm and held on to him. i wasn't about to let that horse get hurt on my watch, no way.

long story. again, when i tell my girl what happened she said,

i thought you knew.

but i know now.

at least, i kept my wits about me and he was fine.

i learned a lot today. the way i learn is by doing. so i am doing a lot and my body is wasted tired.

but it's a good tired. there are many things i can't change right now, but i am doing the best i can. and the coupled swans returned.

for my birthday,

i said.

my girl tried to dissuade me from believing this.

but that was, in fact, the best gift i got.

nothing like seeing those two lovelies back circling each other and all the life and hope that alludes to.

i was asked when i wanted to start riding, and i told her, not just yet.

i need to know why i want to start riding. and i just don't know the answer to that. is it because i can? anyone can. i don't want to ride for that reason.

because my girl wants me to?

i don't want to ride for that reason either.

i don't really do things in my life without certainty and trust. right now, ground relating to horses is what i need to be doing. i have to learn what i'm doing first before i move on.

and at the rate i'm going, it will be a while. what else have i got but time?

and we are well.

found real carne asada tacos today. my god are they good. la style food right around the corner from my house.

it's not often i get all excited about food. it's just food. but these tacos are to die for.

and now, a favorite movie (an unfinished life) and to bed. i hope to sleep into mid afternoon tomorrow i'm so fried. still have two and a half books hanging over my head. and what do i find in the poetry manual i'm reading now, how poetry is like shamanism. whoa!

gotta love surprises.

peace. out.