three days gone

today was the end of a four day on, three day off rotation my boss has been playing with. i like it very much as i need lots of time to decompress. i tend to spend the entire first day in a vegetative state, the second, i get off my chair or out of bed, the third, my brain begins functioning again. i'm just so busy, i don't seem to be able to manage it all, keep all the balls in the air without great swaths of recovery time.

but i'm grateful this week i get my three days in a row. it makes me happy. and tomorrow, the buckster.

we will amble off into the early morning light, waaaay earlier than i normally roll out of bed. (on a good day, not before 11). but i've really screwed my schedule by asking for opening weekends, which makes me get up some time before 6:30 am, when i have to report. the first morning, i realized how much i like the early morning quiet.

i used to get up early in texas and sit in my garden to watch the sunrise.

so in the brief moments i see my husband in a day, he mentions kiwiland, in a sentence,

how would you like to live there?

and i know he's just shitting me because this is the man who wouldn't go to africa, even dream about it with me. that is, until i got my daughter on board. now he wants to go. sigh.

he never wants to jump the pond, ever. but i do.

so i asked him,

are you serious?

and his standard answer is,

if they pay enough.

and my standard reply,

i could live anywhere for a year.

but he says it may be more than a year, a few. three on the outside from what i hear.

which is odd, because i don't usually hear about these things at this stage. i don't want to hear about these things at this stage. it's too emotionally difficult for me as i start detaching, thinking about how to pack up all my shit, and my family's shit. and move it wherever we happen to be going. the last two week move nearly did me in. and i have only one willing friend here, who would lean in behind me and push me onto that moving truck. fortunately we've only a fraction of the crap we had in texas, my plan to move into a tiny apt. worked. you can't amass so much stuff you are buried in it (at least i can't, spent the whole day today filling up trashcans. how i love to throw stuff away, but only when i'm sick of avoiding it. my family can live with their chaos but i can't. the word on the street is, when we move, we're leaving lots of shit behind, which is good news. out with the old, in with the new. maybe we can even just put all our stuff in storage and go with a few bags and our sense of adventure. maybe).

he's appealing to my sense of adventure, and reminding me that more than i want to be rooted, i like to roam. (at least for a little while).

who knows. i certainly don't.

my prof sent me a poem today and it made me happy. not so much because i liked the poem as i liked the idea of him sending me a random poem midway through the haze of reading. one tends to lose all bearings when buried in so many words.

i've lost track of how many pages i've read today, so i'll go with 52 ahead. and bucky tomorrow. sweet bucky.