next stop, the city

there is a poetry reading i must go hear tomorrow night.

i know no one must do anything pertaining to poetry, but i know it is one of those things i have to do. like driving up past lake isabella alone to attend a rodeo. no one thought i'd go, but school forced me to. i was writing a paper on alien territory, i had to do something i'd never done before. a rodeo was just the ticket. somehow, i'm not sure how, i had met this pbr cowboy and he told me where and when. even took me back to where they have all the animals, so it was a really neat experience. synchronistic, like the rest of my life.

but i spent that whole day, as i've spent so many in my life, wandering around experiencing life alone. and i'm tired of it.

tried to wrangle a poet friend i know into going with me, and she would, but the offer was too last minute to change her plans.

so i need to get on that train tomorrow and go. no turning back. for school again.

it seems to be the way of it here for me though, the great events of my life all experienced in isolation, no real witnesses to speak of. and i must go. i must force myself to go because i can't be sidelined by fear, anyway, what is there to be afraid of, it's not like i haven't done it before.

even when i get lost there, it's a wonderful experience.

so why the hesitation?

because i want a partner to share the intrigues of life with, that's it. simple as that. instead, i'm stuck in a cold war and trying not to lose fingers and toes to frigidity.

ouch.

what can i say, i'm honest.

guess i better figure out what i'm going to wear. i have tickets reserved and everything. why do i still hesistate. it's simply a matter of setting my mind to it and going.

like everything else i've done in my past, i just have to do it. to launch out into the unknown and do it.