whose questions

in approving my horse element to my current study, my prof said,

I just hope that exploring this trope doesn’t divert you from addressing more complex and challenging questions.

but it made me think, my questions are not his questions. and in this realm of independent study, how can i ever come to his questions, what he would deem "more complex and challenging" if not guided there by him, let's say?

my study will evolve in the ways my life evolves, i think. this makes sense to me. the way life has unfolded and drawn me in, each book landing in my hands at the right moment.

will the issues i resonate with, the questions i explore be the questions he would hope i would resonate with and explore?

probably not.

i know this. but that does not invalidate my study. primarily in that it is a student driven study. we are not sitting before a prof digesting his take on the works we read. we are gleaning ideas and information on our own, in our own little worlds and making these things fit together in some form or fashion.

it will all come down to my critical essay. what i say about what i've read, how i draw together all the sordid details i've gleaned from my study. how i make my case. i've opted to formalize all my meanderings about my writing process, to try to concretize my perspective. that is my aim this semester, but if it is unconvincing critically to him? what then?

i don't know. it's a risk i have to take.

i will ask the questions i am inclined to explore, draw the conclusions that come to me, and present them. if he says they are crap. so be it. but i don't think that will happen. i know how it works, my writing is powerful. even when profs don't agree, they can't help but appreciate my arguments even when they are painfully not the arguments they would hope i'd come up with. (i've been here before).

so much at stake though. an entire semester's work.

but i've never shunned a challenge before, i won't shy away from it now. i must focus. i'm through two and a half books now. only three and a half to go (and i have about twelve days, not a week like i originally thought), so there's hope yet.

i'm devouring books over here, but what else is new. it helps that my kid is sick and demanding that i be by her side. she does not want me to go anywhere. so i'm just reading and reading and reading.

peace. out.