i think he's concerned i'll piddle away my time with meaningless studies, but i don't see it that way.
i believe a holistic approach is better. i can't write in pieces. never could. i can't take my spirituality and set it aside, regardless of how academic i'm supposed to be. i can't take something so profoundly a part of my life and put it in a box apart from the other thing so meaningful to my life at this moment.
it's not who i am.
i know this is contrary to sound academic practice, to feel my way through my studies, but i'm certain it is the only path to success for me. divorce myself from myself and i'm sunk. there is so much i have to say about form, and i see it most clearly when i am looking at horses.
i hope the incorporation of this aspect of learning will unlock the pent up language i need to convey my ideas to this prof.
or, i'll fall flat on my face.
once, in college i wrote a paper for a prof who's C was an F. if you got a C in his class, it meant you'd failed. when i held that paper before our group forum (we critiqued each other's works before he got them to himself, and he listened silently to the critiques), i told another student, i took a risk.
better to go down in flames,he said,
than to bore him.
yes. i hoped my end would be quick and relatively painless. but it was met with relief by the prof who liked the risk of my innovative introduction to an otherwise ho-hum (hoop jumping) essay.
i've travelled that road so much since. the risk it all and hope to go out in flames rather than the other. boredom.
but risks are risky. risks are scary. risks are what make your works memorable, i guess.
though the precipice is always yawning for another victim to fall headlong into it's gaping mouth.
i would rather fly.
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