hewn limbs

i don't know how to quit, it's not in my blood. always, the requisite two weeks, sometimes more as in the case of leaving hell during the christmas season.

what can i say, quitting takes some cojones. which i lack.

nah, i think quitting takes some defect of character.

and home from work, the laundry still not finished, i'll be up finishing it off, and my feet feel tired from standing, but the work is good, even though we are a man down. he got a better job, what can i say, i'd leave too, if i had the right offer.

but i wouldn't quit. i'd never quit.

now i'm hoping the boss doesn't work me to a bloody nub. and my three days off this week are inviolate. it's not that i can't live without them, it's just there ain't enough of me to go around and i need rest. more than ever.

i napped a great while today after the gym, that's what happens when i lose the stamina i'd built up. i have to start over. so here i go, again from the start.

and while i love to open myself up to community, i realize, i don't take advice from those i neither trust nor respect. it's not every person in my life i'll listen to, in fact, most would say, it's none. but i do listen. i just have my own way of doing things.

i see very clearly for being of such clouded vision.

and i will not forego my path as i see it.

i am so far out on the limb, that i'd rather saw it off and see what happens than come in and be "normal" whatever that means.

that quote that i love goes, (and i've lost the exact quote and attribution)

he who never saws off the limb on which he sits, never realizes sawn off limbs have unaccountable ways of staying put

all i know how to do is sit upon the limb on which i saw.

go figure.