there is this soul who stirs in me the things i'd forgotten. the poems i've written years ago that had fallen into the abyss of the past, been there, done that. those poems never compiled in any collection, i was just writing at that time, spewing forth great bodies of poetry, and had begun to realize when i moved here, how i'm losing some of it.
some data locked in inacessible formats. some just gone forever.
but then, i am reminded of a poem i wrote and go out looking for it.
it was not without intent that i do what i do, that i did what i did. to be sure there are things that are gone forever, and goodbye to those things, i say.
but there remain some dear souls whom i can draw from the banks of memory, from the digital archives of my life and breathe life into them again, for those ears.
they come to me when i wake, and i read them with my breathy morning voice. i am reminded of when i wrote them and why. and who i am today in contrast. recontexting them. reliving them. rediscovering what was once so much a part of me.
and so much has changed.
i wasn't going to force my kid to "honor me" but she ultimately called this evening and we went out. ended up shopping. we're girls, what can i say. i found a cute outfit and she got something she'd wanted.
driving home she said,
it's just hard.
i know.
i miss you.
i miss you too. what can i do to help?
tell me your schedule.
i think her knowing where i am will help her psychically deal with my absence. so, as much as i don't like to show my hand, she needs to see some of it.
she made me a pair of earrings.
i should have made them different, i know you don't like matching earrings.
it's okay.
when i was trying on the outfit i saw that they were blue and pink. very sweet. the pink is more of a purple, but i consider the whole spectrum of red to purple in the continum of pink. (though it is likely in the continum of red, more accurately).
thank you baby,and we hugged and kissed and said goodbye again.
only i am not sad. i am happy. i am grateful.
found a pair of jeans that are to die for, and won't fall off like the rest of them i have. only i have to have them taken up. i'm so short.
the chief was home when i arrived today,
you look exotic.
ah.
he was sweeping the porch and i asked about a pool. we discussed the options and basically, i'm just going to drag a sun chair into the backyard and sun myself there. i have to. i'm like a lizard in summer. a basker.
but i came home and slept. talked to my dearest friends, and saw my girl. it was a good night. following a good day in which i accomplished most everything i had on my plate. just inputting the revisions tomorrow, and then we can begin in earnest on revision.
i'll have to get a printer, but i need one. the last thing i had to print in haste i called my ex and he printed it for me. we're finally on peaceful terms, and i must say, i'm glad.
one of my best friends said,
he still loves you. you can't be married, but he still loves you.
and i said,
that's fine. i'm glad we're not together anymore, it's better this way.
my other best friend did not have such a positive take on his behavior.
be careful,she said,
he wants something.
this is why i have so many best friends, because they balance each other's voices.
and the one i adore sleeps. and soon, so shall i.
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