unforgiving

my schedule, that is.

i keep trying to cram people in, make plans, but it just isn't working. and it doesn't necessarily jive with the schedules of others. especially my girl, who is particularly feeling the absence. i miss her too, but there is no way i can fix this. at least i have off for her little school concert. i'll have to go sit there and smile. (i hate those things. i used to tell her,

i don't want to hear everyone else, just sing for me.

which is completely true, but in this new context we live our lives, it's just not enough to not like something, i have to do it for her.)

i guess it's good that i have poets inviting me places, and i'm tempted. so tempted, but the logistics of getting there are more than i can manage, so i must, graciously, pass. though i want to go.

i don't get to the city enough, and this excursion would ask too much of me, i'm sure. so in the name of being sensible, i pass.

work soon, i was on bar yesterday morning, it was fine. i kept pace with it. there are some peripheral things i lost sight of, being on bar, but i need practice. and i didn't have five or seven cups lined up, i kept pace. which is huge. i think it might have been slower traffic, but it was still good practice for me. the usual bar guy was on register, (where i am fast and comfortable). but i need to not psych myself out of bar. i know how to make a fanfuckingtabulous drink. even had an old customer from my previous store come in and quietly ask me,

why do some people's drinks taste different?

different how?

different bad.

whose? mine?

no. the tall girl at your old store.

(ah, the one who hated me. it's not the first time i've heard her drinks are bad, but people love her).

really? i'm sorry, did you say something.

sometimes i do, but it just tastes bad, so i throw it away, or keep going to the next store.

that's very inconvenient for you.

yes.

it was not my favorite customer by any means. but i know these people, my dark angel knows them too. it's sad that someone can dominate something they aren't very good at, and dress it up to dazzle people so no one pays attention to what's inside.

very strange.

and i turned to my new boss and said,

did you hear that?

yes.

you have to tell him, if i tell him he'll think i'm making it up.

okay.

there are a lot of things i could say about this. i'll try to refrain from saying them. i think it's best that i left that store. i'll just leave it at that.

had a long talk with the pussycat yesterday (formerly the ballbuster), i asked him why he didn't move up. it's not a story new to me. i wish it were. i'm sorry it is about politics. and that some people get stuck in a position they are overqualified WAY overqualified for. but it can change, i believe it can.

i keep encouraging him, i know he can do it.

politics are bullshit.