bounty

i have lived so long in famine and drought that bounty comes as an utter surprise. after literally counting sheets of paper i would print, to own a case of reams of paper and be able to print at will seems, well, indulgent at least.

sitting under a tree yesterday, the carpenter bees were lighting from bud to bud. drinking, supping, pollinating. no one bee feared the other bees would consume all the nectar. there were no bees racing to flowers to beat out other bees. there is abundance. there is bounty. there is plenty for all.

i must remind myself of this. and some of the books i'm reading stress this abundant universe business. i believe the abundance of the universe comes directly from the abundance of God. so when i find myself parroting the abundant universe talk, i stop myself and say,

no, wait. it is all God.

whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. it is God Himself who is abundance. He is sufficient. there is enough. i don't have to fight for scraps from God. He is bounty.

what some in christian camps would call positive confession, others in nonchristian camps would call affirmations. speaking out positively, or creating your own abundance. i'm not sure i go with that. but i do believe God would like me to Hope in Him. to hang my hat on Him alone.

i said to a would be friend,

i can push you and catch you when you fall.

but then it struck me, though God use my hands, my face, my voice, it would not be i who caught you. it probably wouldn't be i who pushed either.

this is where the don't take the credit words came from. i realized there are so many things we are privileged to do as christians, and it is so easy to say,

i did this. i did that.

but God really did it. we merely got to be witnesses. how this works out in the verbiage of positive confession i can't say. but i affirm God is the One who gets it all done. i merely get to watch.

my cyberpastor has been gently nudging me to the edge of a precipice, namely publication. he's ready to give me a good swift shove. and sometimes i feel as though i'm all ready falling. i'm all ready careening through the tunnel into wonderland. in today's prayers i read this,

I was hard pressed and falling,
but the LORD came to my help.

you see, this is what i've been saying. i do all the tumbling down, and God does all the lifting up. i don't know how it works. i don't know how it works.

the first time we did service in our little chapel, i sat in the very back with my sister as we walked in late (classic-suz maneuver). my husband and daughter were in the front row essentially.

after the handshakey bit (which i dislike immensely), the priest said,

suzanne, come up here.

and i whispered to my sister,

ah, the seat of honor.

then grabbed my stuff and up we went, while the whole church watched and waited. the bummer about the seat of honor is, everyone waits your lead. they waited for us to go up for communion first, they wait for you to go for prayer first, all kinds of firsts.

and not knowing what one is doing can be daunting, to say the least.

but i must remember this, there are seats of honor in all manner of settings. my being given and taking the seat of honor does not deny anyone theirs. God is bounty. He is abundance. He will lift one up and put one down. but i'm finding when it is time for Him to stretch forth His hand to lift one up, the floor, sackcloth and ashes are very hard to leave behind.