sleep comes

i can't remember the last night i had a good long, restful sleep. but my sister is here with me and the comfort of her presence has allowed me to drift off in peaceful slumber. perhaps some rhythm is returning to my life. it is not just about work and unpacking, there is so much more.

i don't even recall my dreams, so heavily gone was i. it was all rest for me. and i could not ask for more.

i got my library card yesterday, and had a henri nouwen book in my hands when i went to check out.

i can't check that book out to you,

the librarian said.

of course you can't.

i smiled ear to ear.

it shouldn't even be here, it is supposed to be in transit to another library.

of course it is.

i am sorry. the computer won't let me do it.

she tried. i'll give her that. and she was wonderfully pleasant (so i was i, aren't you proud of me?).

it's just not time for me to read that book.

i said, and left the library laughing this time.

these little hurdles, these overwhelming obstacles, these daily burdens are nothing. but they had crippling power over me in my exhaustion. it is finally fading and i am looking forward to living again. to laughing again. to loving again.

i can't wait to find some real person here, to love.

yes, everything looks better after a goodnight's sleep.