crybaby

i don't recall shedding tears when i left my ex. i was so over him. don't recall shedding tears when my latest infatuation fizzled out. but my best friend is in a tough spot with her husband and i was on the verge of tears tonight because i can't lose a girlfriend.

girlfriends are not easily replaced. they do not just appear magically. they are not around every corner.

my daughter and i are perfectly suited to her daughter and her. rarest of all occurances, that the mothers and daughters actually get along.

her daughter was so nice to me tonight, and i wanted to talk to her, but if i would have said anything, i would have cried. so i said nothing.

i turned to the crone of the group and told her briefly what happened.

i can't lose her,

i said.

you won't,

she said.

and she hugged me before i left.

i connect with all these women. they are strong and fiercely independent.

but they are not my best friend. i am only there because she took me there. and, well, i'm going to cry now. this loss, this estrangement is worse than losing any guy. none compares to the women of my life. never have. they have been with me, some of them since i was thirteen. one since nineteen. another since twenty seven, and these newest since i was thirty seven.

women are not replaceable the way men are, they simply aren't.

it reminds me so much of when i lost my grandmother. ten years now, and that anniversary just passed.

the best i can do is try to keep my chin up and send her love and peace.