focus

it's hard for me to not think about what i am mulling over. i'm not the same woman i was. i'm entirely different. if you came to me now, would you still be mesmerized by the sway of my hips, the sound of my voice, the way i trust you. i warn you, i'm not the same woman that i was.

neither, i imagine, are you the same man. how can you be? time does terrible things. will you let me in, or push me away. will you not even come and just move on. i don't know. i can't imagine the person you've become, you're becoming. i only know the man i knew. the one i trusted. the one who trusted me.

i do know this much though. i would open my door and let you in. let you see who i am now, experience her. she exists only because of you. i remember the shadow woman i had become. the detached soulless. i am alive now. painfully so. only, you are not here. you are not with me. and while i understand it, i do not necessarily agree. but it has never been up to what i want. so have forged my own way.

and when i thought i caught a glimpse of you, it made me smile. deep inside. but i kept moving on, kept working. let it go with only a consideration. how much we have both changed.

i am not the woman i was. you must know this.

i am only the woman i am now.

as such, i welcome you, receive you back again, it is my wish still.