supersonichearing

it's been a long time since i went to the hudson and was actually present. my girl and i had a good day. we fed the geese and ducks, we sat by the water. i lost myself for a while, then i hear someone saying something to my kid.

how, of all the sounds on the river at that moment i could hear that one girl's voice telling my girl something relatively innocuous, i don't know. but i did.

i turned and it was a young, pretty school teacher type, who was telling my girl to feed the ducks in another direction.

i said to my kid,

feed the ducks wherever you want.

it's a park. the lady was not there before us, and besides, it doesn't matter. no one, in all the time we've been there has ever said shit to us about where to feed the ducks.

so i let it ride. leaving my comment to my girl the way it stands, though i do turn my head, because my kid is some thirty feet away from me down the way, a hovering mother no one can ever accuse me of.

the lady kept watching my kid, who resumed feeding where she wanted at my behest.

when we were done, and i wasn't angry, i walked up to the lady and said,

do you have children?

.

she did not answer.

.

it is never a good idea to tell someone else's children anything. though i'm cool about that kind of thing, it's never a good idea.

.

she just looked at me.

.

have children and you'll understand.

.

and i walked away.

mind you, if my friends, anyone in my circle says shit to my kid, i understand it is because as a tribe they are looking out for me by looking out for her. the village mentality doesn't apply to strangers saying shit about dumb stuff.

we were having in lovely time. it was zen for me.

then she pipes in. have children, you'll understand. that's all i can say.

i've seen moms lose their sense when their kids are addressed by strangers.

the lady did say in her defense,

i didn't yell at her.

.

i said,

still, never a good idea to say anything to other people's children.

amen. there is no argument. just don't do it.

if a car is coming and my kid is crossing in front of it, that is another story. but where to feed the ducks, step off bitch.

so we wander out to this broken down pier and i shed my outer layers and bask in the sun. my girl kicking around in the water, and while i'm trying to let her not get soaked, she doesn't listen. poor girl, just like me.

it was a very nice day. we have to do it more often. summer is coming and we can resume some of our normal activities, which incorporate copious amounts of creative indolence in scenic areas. that is the best place to veg. at the botanical gardens, by the hudson, in the mountains.

i do miss my girl.

one loss opens other losses for me. and i'm feeling them all afresh right now. though i know it is not loss that i'm experiencing, it feels that way. i am all emotion. i am a fully feeling creature. i cannot help it. it is the spring of my creativity. i just hate going through it, yet i know i must.

i hadn't thought not speaking to my friend would feel like when i lost my lover. ouch. that's too telling. but it's where women go. we go deep. we go baring soul. we go intimately and it is not easy for me to feel encroached upon where intimacy is concerned.

i feel lost when that happens. the hudson grounded me today.

ah yes, and the sun.