sweatersetgal

precious few men can a. get my attention. b. hold it. c. have a meaningful conversation. and by meaningful i mean, have a bone shatteringly honest conversation. that's all it amounts to kids. don't shrink from my honesty, and i won't shrink from yours. in fact, i'll see your honesty and do you one better. that's how it's always been for me.

met a man who made me think, and i mean that in every sense of the word. gave me hope that my people exist out there, and i summed it up for the kid i was working with as,

i will never be a sweater set gal.

she stared at me blankly.

.

that guy right there, he represents my people.

the heavily tattooed, pierced types i am most comfortable around. seems the rough and tumble set are who i was made to run with.

i don't need twelve thousand dollar shoes,

i told this guy. and he smiled.

we share a few of the same perspectives on things. money being one of them.

it made me think that there are some people on this planet who resonate with me, and i with them. this encourages me. i've felt alone too long. i'm not sure my alone feeling is not self induced. perhaps it is. i'm used to being alone, prefer it to being with someone i can't stand. or in a room full of mindless chatter. i'd rather sit by myself and read a book.

you're in love with love,

my best friend tells me. but it's not that.

it has nothing to do with love. it's all about companionship for me. communing of soul. it always has been. don't bullshit me, just be honest. that's all i ask. very few can walk that line though. can tolerate that line being walked. it turns me on. honesty.

and i think about the great loves of my life, and they were all hinged upon honesty. of course. though, i look back now and feel there has only been one or two great loves. i have been with men that i walked away from because they simply were not honest in the right way.

one comes to mind who was more of a repentantly honest kind of guy. only when i caught him doing something was he honest about it. that's not honesty in my book, that's confessionalism. i'm nobody's priest or savior. i'm just trying to find my way through the minefield of life myself.

i bet on the sun yesterday, it is out today and i am fresh out of the gym, in need of a shower then to bask in the sun at my friend's house. we'll belly dance and then take a class in the evening. i have some questions. but not the ones slated to be answered. just the ones i need to ask.

my ex brought my girl to visit me last night at work. one of my favorite co-workers insisted on meeting him. so i introduced them. my ex smiled,

i think he just wanted to see who was crazy enough to marry me.

i told him.

then we went back inside. i sat with my girl and while i had to do some unsavory business, my first write-up, i did it. i was told to do it. my boss wants to make sure i'm not getting shit from the kids. and so i did it. the pussy cat agreed, it needed to be done.

so, i did it in as plain language as i could. i didn't want to do it, because i addressed the issues that night. i sat down and talked to the kid about what needed to change, what i expect.

i don't know why he gives you shit,

the pussy cat said.

.

he's just testing me.

and i told him exactly how i handled it.

.

good for you,

he said.

.

but then i told him and my boss some other things, and they look somewhat surprised.
.

i'm trying not to be the bitch.

.

i'm the asshole,

the pussy cat says,

be the bitch.

.

so nice suzanne is done. it's time to get the job done and everyone i respect is signing off on it. it's time to be the bitch if i have to be.

everyone knows this is not a hard task for me to accomplish. the bitch comes easily. now if i can walk the line and get done what i need to get done, even better.