diversions

in need of a diversion, i try to find a door that will open to me. i've felt this kind of discontent before and it is not good. i need to go where i can be safe, and that is, perhaps, only to my dear friend's house.

so much in my mind, on my mind. i've spoken to my prof this morning and gotten permission, essentially, to dump the critical essay component of my final packet. i have written critically all along, and i was doing too much. i had to ask for a reprieve. and so i have one.

the trick now is, to compile it all into one flowing document. she thinks i can do it. she is smitten by my writing, and i am grateful for her support. i hope the faculty agrees. they evaluate the works and determine if you actually pass the semester and get your degree. :D fun times kids.

but i'm worn thin in ways i've not imagined possible. and this morning, lay in the sheltered dark of my forest green pendleton, and saw myself performing my belly dance. this has been a tricky issue for me, where to do it, how to do it, when to do it.

it was supposed to be more than it is. but, now i just have to get it done. i have a couple options, one of them more appropriate than the other. i will try for the appropriate option, but as i said, i'm looking for a diversion and the inappropriate may suit me. but it's dangerous, and i don't need any complications at this point.

i must away. this is not how i imagined life would be right now. and while i wish it were different, it is still, in fact, my so-called-life. and i'm riding it out. we'll see where i end up. hopefully washed up on some white sandy beach.

that would be ideal.