choke on my tears

no, i won't say what i was going to say. only this. i'm looking forward to this week. lots of delights. and it culminates in my seeing my sister, which is much needed after a year apart. the babies are a year old now. i wonder if they'll remember me.

i wonder so many things.

it's not the straight down rain that troubles me so, it's the slanty rain. that comes in the windows. i like to sleep with them open, so the slanty rain makes me rise and shut them. the straight up and down rain, not so much. i leave them open.

i like the sounds rain makes. the sounds of the rumbling train, when it sneaks into town late at night, like a teenager who missed curfew.

i like the birds waking me in the morning, and the stars that glimmer in my eyes at night. but it's been too cloudy the past week or so to see them. and i forget the sight of stars, what a clear sky looks like.

but sometimes, the moon can hardly hide herself from me, and the crow calls to me from high in the pine tree. and i feel a part of something. nothing grand, but nothing tiny either. just my life.

the weirdness abounds and i go with it. trying to remember where i'm headed, not lose my way for lack of signs. trust my instincts to get me there. and that the one hacking his way through the brush on the other side of the river does not lose heart, and that we'll glimpse each other soon.