nonperforming

i've never been into dancing before people. very rarely have i done it. twice in denver, once in puente hills, and i'm really strapped for remembering when else. the other times i've danced, it's been in the back of the room in a world of my own. did people watch? probably. but was i performing? no. absolutely not.

so i've started reading my belly dance books for next semester because when it hits, it's really a lot of reading for six months. and, i figure, why not?

this particular book i'm reading is detailing the history of belly dance and it has made me think, this is not something i want to do in public. or for strangers. it is something i will do only for the select few. a handful of women. my lover. that's it.

at my friend's house yesterday, she put on some persian musican and began moving (she is a belly dancer, who got in a car accident and now can't dance), but she floated around to the music, and i was so impressed.

you move so well.

and then i let her hear what i want to dance to, and she said,

it sounds good. you can do it.

because for me, it is not a traditional dance. it is an expressive dance. and while i have the mellow music i need, i have my own ideas and interpretations. so when everyone finally left and our daughters were alone in the pool, we sat in the kitchen and talked.

i think if i perform for anyone at my school, it will be the female art professor, mostly because she is female (and i trust her). the two male professors i trust are not available next semester, so i will not likely choose some strange male to advise me if there is a suitable female.

we discussed the reactions of men to belly dancing and the first performance she did where unknown men were present.

and i am sure, it will not be where i'm going.

where will you do it?

i will be alone or with my daughter, or someone recording the dance.

no audience?

no.

that's easier then.

yes, i don't need an audience.

i just hadn't decided how to go about showing this dance to my professor. but i will let my advising female professor view the entire dance, while the rest of the school gets to see only stills incorporated into my final presentation.

this makes sense to me. it keeps with my preference for nonperformance.

i have a lot to learn, but i won't make the same mistakes i did when i was young, simply because my gut has developed. my sixth sense rocks.