drama is death

tonight was the worst night ever at my job.
we lost power partway into my shift, and i had to get the customers out of the store and figure out how to deal with it.

and the long and short of it is, i'm the supervisor, so i get the blame for what goes wrong. and i can't figure out how to get a particular kid to actually work.

i just don't know.

i am not pollyanna, you know this, so, when my pollyanna trainer says to me,

drama is death

(after i've just said,

i want to shoot myself,

i get the picture).

doesn't take a genius to figure out her indirect style of communication.

say what you want to say, only not directly to the person you're saying it to. make it all vague and weird. so i spend hours wracking my brain trying to figure it out.

but it's not her fault. none of it is her fault. she's incredibly kind. hell, she's pollyanna, which makes me feel even more like a black sheep.

i don't know. so i told my boss, via post it note, not to schedule me more than four days a week. i figure if he wants to get forty hours out of me, it will have to be in four days (and i wouldn't put it past him).

but i'm tired. and alone.

always f*>@in alone. and i'm sick of it.

will i change my life?

perhaps.

vacation couldn't have been planned for a better time. i think i've all ready left mentally, i've felt in neutral mentally at work since monday, after i shipped a large box of luggage to my destination in advance (i'd rather not fuss with it on a plane).

and then the all nighter friday. i'm going to need a drink when i arrive. maybe even en route. i can get sauced, i don't have to drive.

i don't know. these are all hollow solutions.

i don't know what to do at the moment. maybe just go to sleep and see what happens tomorrow.

we'll be going to laze about in the sun all day at a waterpark. and i am looking forward to it.